


Michael Motherfucking Jones and the Battle of the Blaze

by orangeyskies



Series: Achievement Motherfucking City [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 09:56:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2020713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeyskies/pseuds/orangeyskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin gave the last of the fucking mushrooms to the Ender Dragon, so the rest of the guys have one choice- to clean up his mess or never blaze it again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Michael Motherfucking Jones and the Battle of the Blaze

**Author's Note:**

> *This story is told from the perspective of me, Michael Motherfucking Jones. The characters and events described are highly accurate.

So once upon a time I woke up in my bed in Achievement Motherfucking City. I didn't mean to wake up so early, but I heard a giant motherfucking crash and wondered what stupid asshole caused it this time.

As I exited my sweet-ass house, I casually and gracefully poured a cauldron of water down Kerry's ladder hole, hoping that motherfucker would move out or die or some shit. I needed more space to do hard drugs and be generally badass as hell.

Before I could finish dumping water into the basement, I was distracted by another loud crash, and this time I was sure it was coming from that dumbfuck Gavin's house. By the time I got out my door, everyone else from Achievement Motherfucking City was outside Gavin's house.

"Sweet, is this an angry mob?" I asked. Then Geoff sensed my badassness and turned around.

"Hell yeah this is an angry motherfucking mob," he replied. "We're just throwing some random shit at Gavin's house now."

Geoff proceeded to throw random shit at Gavin's house.

"Wot the 'ell?" Gavin exclaimed, running out of his stupid fucking house.

Now let me tell you something about Gavin. He's motherfucking stupid as hell. I have had nothing to do in this city for two years except watch these morons play fucking games, and this idiot's the dumbest of them all.

"You fucking wrecked our shit," Geoff informed him.

"Wot're you talking about?"

"Rays having a damned meltdown."

"What the fuck is wrong with Ray?" I asked. Ray's my fucking bro. Not in the gay way though, I like girls.

"Pat the Head ran away and Gavin sold our mushrooms to the fucking lizard of darkness or what the fuck ever," Ray said sadly.

I was enraged. I couldn't imagine having to live with these pieces of shit without being able to get high.

"You sold our last drugs to the Ender Dragon?" I shouted. "What the crap are we gonna do now? Be sober or some shit?"

"Calm down," Gavin said. "No need for all the mobbing angrily. Ryan, you can out the torch down."

Ryan got mad as hell. His eyes narrowed and honestly he looked really sexy, but not in the gay way because I like girls.

"Hell to the no, I'm the Mad King," he said. "I do what the fuck I want bitches."

"Right, sorry," Gavin said quickly, and backed the hell away from Ryan.

"Well, I guess we're going on a motherfucking quest," I declared badassedly.

"Yeah!" Gavin said.

"Not you, moron," I said, and fucking stabbed him to death.

"Quick, let's sleep before he spawns again," Jack said, and we all attempted to follow. But to our fucking surprise, Gavin threw open his door and ran after us.

"Wait!" he shouted. "I can help you!"

"Do what, get murdered?" Ray shouted back.

"Hell to the no, Gavin," I said. "You got us in this motherfucking mess."

"Yeah," Ryan agreed. "You don't even meet the fucking qualifications."

Everyone drew their most badassest weapon and turned around to leave.

"Wait, yes I do!" Gavin argued.

"Okay, let's see," I said. "One, you can't fight for shit. You've lost fights to mountains."

"I bet he could confuse the enemy so much they would just give up," Jack suggested.

"Or annoy them so fucking much they just kill themselves," I added.

"Look, let's just get this shit over with," Geoff said. "Just follow us, Gavin, and don't say anything unless it's useful. I'm going to run back and get some supplies real fast."

Geoff returned within five minutes with ten potions.

"Geoff, I don't think getting drunk is necessary," Jack pointed out.

"I didn't say I was getting necessary supplies."

We started off again, Gavin following behind Ray, Geoff, Jack, Ryan, and I. We had the privilege of walking without hearing Gavin run his mouth for a good two minutes.

"I have something useful to say," Gavin announced, and we all groaned because Gavin's a fucking dumbass.

"Go the fuck ahead then," I said, "Surprise me."

"I've done some detective work in the past. I can totally tell which way the dragon went."

Gavin knelt down like a fucking moron and picked up some grass off the ground. He smelled it and he might have even thought about something for a few seconds. I couldn't really tell because I've never seen him think about shit before.

"The Dragon went that way," Gavin said, pointing towards the giant woolen creeper on the horizon. 

"The Dragon went to the motherfucking end, you piece of shit!" I said, definitely keeping my composure. "You're just fucking smelling grass, you dumb hack!"

"Why would the dragon be on the ground anyway. Like, not only can it fly, it can fucking teleport," Geoff agreed, and started laughing. 

"Okay, fine, no more detective work for me," Gavin said, and was met with half-hearted applause from the rest of us.

We walked on, through motherfucking trees and grass and then more trees and grass. 

"I want us to be at a stronghold by tomorrow," Ray announced. "There's no way I'm gonna make it any longer without smoking that herb or blazing it up."

"I agree," I said. "Everyone suit the fuck up. Gavin... don't."


End file.
